Thursday, September 12, 2013

Why I don't believe in the "honeymoon phase"

We hear the phrase "the honeymoon phase" all of the time.

Newly dating? You should be in the honeymoon phase.

Newly married? Well, duh-you're honeymooning it.

Newly moved in? How's that honey to your moon?

I call phooey (yes, I'm apparently ninety)

Now, don't get me wrong- I believe in blissful moments. Those moments where you are so undeniably happy with your counterpart and just feel so damn lucky. I am so thankful that I have those moments a lot with M. But, I don't believe we need to have them 100% of the time. At least, I hope we're not because I will tell you quite frankly, my friends--

I am not nearly that perfect, graceful, gracious or sweet all of the time. I'm human- I have many moments (particularly after long days) where I'm cranky and I have a hard time feeling the bliss.

Which is what brought me writing this post. M and I have been living together for about a week now. You know what we did the first night we came home to our new place?  Lit candles, took a bubble bath, fed each other chocolate and "honeymooned" ?

Nope. We argued. What about? I have absolutely no idea. It was trivial. We were both exhausted from attending a super fun wedding, moving the next day and then going to work the next. We were out of our minds tired. So we took it out on each other about something silly.

The next day I freaked out. Did this mean we wouldn't be good roomies? Did this mean we weren't in the honeymoon phase? Was something wrong with us?

I came to realize that the answer to those questions was a resounding no.

After arguing, we realized that we truly live with one another now. We realized it was finally a reality. If one of us has a bad day, we can't come home and go to our rooms and deal with it alone. Instead, we are in it together. So, we have to learn to deal with it all together. And there is a lot of beauty in that. It's what we worked through two years of long longggg distance for. 

And since that first argument, we've been doing a lot better at communicating on days we are just too tired to deal. I think that's a whole lot better than being in the honeymoon stage. We get to enjoy the blissful moments and live our lives-the ugly and beautiful together.

I'm glad we're not stuck in "the honeymoon phase" because I get to have my cake and eat it too. Aka, I get to be happy but also learn and grow with M at the same time. 

I'd throw out the bonbons, candles and Marvin Gaye for that anytime (okay, maybe not anytime..)


  1. I love this LB! Although I do believe that there is a "honeymoon phase" I do love your view on it, on how it doesn't (and shouldn't) be perfect ALL THE TIME because no one is!! Being happy is important, but so is going through the hard fights and coming out on the other end stronger and better because of them, aka growing together. Well said. :)

  2. I love this. You gotta take the good with the bad. Everyday will not always be cuddles and kisses. We get annoyed and frustrated with each other and our lives. As long as you communicate, everything will be fine.

  3. Glad you're figuring out what works for you both as a couple- communicating is key! While eating bon bons hopefully!

  4. I love this so much!! It's so true--I panicked the first time we had a rough night after we got married, but it's just how relationships are. I'd rather have a strong relationship than fancy stuff--although I wouldn't mind having a strong relationship with bon bon bons and bubble baths!

  5. I believe in the "honeymoon phase" to an extent. When you first start dating someone and you don't yet know what you've gotten yourself into because you don't quite know who they are yet. Eventually the honeymoon phase fades and you start questioning if they're right for you. That's what I consider to be the "honeymoon phase." Getting yourself into something without knowing all (or most) of the nitty gritty details.

    But I also believe that if you ARE good together the honeymoon phase should be just another part of life, just like the arguments and whatnot.

    Good post!

  6. Living together is SO hard. As long as you realize you guys are a team, communicate with each other, and agree to some sort of "I'm having a bad day and I need to be left alone for a little bit" system, you'll be fine. :)


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